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There were times that I thought this day would never come. I couldn't grasp what it would be like to receive my very last infusion of chemotherapy. And here I am. I'm currently in my infusion room at Northwestern receiving my 12th and FINAL round of chemotherapy! Although, it is a huge milestone in my cancer journey, I can't help but think back to the very day that I found out. The very day that I heard the 3 words no one ever wants to hear. "You have cancer."
It was 11am on Saturday April 19th, 2014. I was going on my 4th day in the hospital in Hobart, IN. I had received my blood transfusion and colonoscopy the 2 days prior and I was just waiting on the results from my biopsy. I was nervous and excited. I was nervous for the potential it could be cancer. I was excited to finally have answers I had been waiting 2 years for. My mother and I were in my hospital room watching reruns of Flipping Out when we received the devastating call from my doctor. She looked up at me, shook her head and said “It’s cancer.” I was in complete shock and utterly speechless. "I have cancer?" There was no way this could be possible. At the time, I really didn’t know much about cancer other than I knew many people die from it. After a tearful call to inform Drew and a visit from my best friend, Lindsay, I was wheeled off for an MRI to see if my cancer had spread to my chest and/or brain. As they placed me in the MRI, my mind was racing. I was thinking of how and where I could run away. I wanted to go back to my life before I knew I had cancer. I felt cheated. I felt betrayed by my own body. I thought back to every moment of the past 2 years trying to piece together how it got to this point. Frankly, I was pissed. It was 4 months before my wedding and I should be picking out flowers and addressing invitations. Not in an MRI to see if my cancer had spread throughout my body. But then it hit me.. I wasn't ready to throw in the towel. I laid there thinking about all of the things I still want for my life. I want to have babies. I want to see my parents become grandparents. I want to become a grandmother. I want to travel with my husband. I want to enjoy many more glasses of wine with my girlfriends. Simply, I want to live. What would running away do? I can't run from my own body. I have to tackle it head on and pray to God I come out a winner in the end. Within a matter of minutes, I went from being angry to very determined and weirdly happy. I was happy because I knew I could handle it. I kept thinking if someone had to get cancer - I would rather it be me. I couldn't bare seeing someone I loved have to face it. So I'm happy to fight the fight.
And now..finally...I have won. Today, I heard the 1 beautiful word every single cancer patient waits to hear. "REMISSION".. There you have it. I am now not just a cancer fighter but a cancer survivor.
Thank you to everyone that has been there for me throughout this fight. It's been dark at times but now all I can see is the very bright light that is my future without cancer.
It was 11am on Saturday April 19th, 2014. I was going on my 4th day in the hospital in Hobart, IN. I had received my blood transfusion and colonoscopy the 2 days prior and I was just waiting on the results from my biopsy. I was nervous and excited. I was nervous for the potential it could be cancer. I was excited to finally have answers I had been waiting 2 years for. My mother and I were in my hospital room watching reruns of Flipping Out when we received the devastating call from my doctor. She looked up at me, shook her head and said “It’s cancer.” I was in complete shock and utterly speechless. "I have cancer?" There was no way this could be possible. At the time, I really didn’t know much about cancer other than I knew many people die from it. After a tearful call to inform Drew and a visit from my best friend, Lindsay, I was wheeled off for an MRI to see if my cancer had spread to my chest and/or brain. As they placed me in the MRI, my mind was racing. I was thinking of how and where I could run away. I wanted to go back to my life before I knew I had cancer. I felt cheated. I felt betrayed by my own body. I thought back to every moment of the past 2 years trying to piece together how it got to this point. Frankly, I was pissed. It was 4 months before my wedding and I should be picking out flowers and addressing invitations. Not in an MRI to see if my cancer had spread throughout my body. But then it hit me.. I wasn't ready to throw in the towel. I laid there thinking about all of the things I still want for my life. I want to have babies. I want to see my parents become grandparents. I want to become a grandmother. I want to travel with my husband. I want to enjoy many more glasses of wine with my girlfriends. Simply, I want to live. What would running away do? I can't run from my own body. I have to tackle it head on and pray to God I come out a winner in the end. Within a matter of minutes, I went from being angry to very determined and weirdly happy. I was happy because I knew I could handle it. I kept thinking if someone had to get cancer - I would rather it be me. I couldn't bare seeing someone I loved have to face it. So I'm happy to fight the fight.
And now..finally...I have won. Today, I heard the 1 beautiful word every single cancer patient waits to hear. "REMISSION".. There you have it. I am now not just a cancer fighter but a cancer survivor.
Thank you to everyone that has been there for me throughout this fight. It's been dark at times but now all I can see is the very bright light that is my future without cancer.